My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
