Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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