Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
