In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
