I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
