i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
