Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
