Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
