he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
