Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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