i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
