I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
