idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
