I could have mohawked her pubes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
