I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
