Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
