since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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