Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
