For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
