My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
