There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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