ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize