I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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