Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
