Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
