i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
