Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
