4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so fucking centered right now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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