Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
