Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize