What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
