it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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