how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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