She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
