My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
