Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
