I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
