This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
