as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
