i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize