yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
