omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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