Can i not drive my cunt home
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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