Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
