the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
