Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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