Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
