your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
