I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
