thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
