Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize