Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
