I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
