you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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