The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
