hotel room ftw
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
