I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
