literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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