Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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