Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize