The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
