so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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