worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
