the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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