Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
