Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
