I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
