I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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