I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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