I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
