blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
