...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
