Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
