Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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