I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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