so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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