after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
